With rings on his fingers

Although I seem to remember it was listed as someone's Favourite Thing, I don't agree that DIY surgery should be recommended, if Ned's attempt at the artform is anything to go by.

For years he's been complaining that I must have secretly swopped his wedding ring for one a size or two smaller because he couldn't take it off (why was he trying?) but I just blamed overweight fingers. On Wednesday he finally succeeded, via the judicious use of a forklift truck. Resting your hand in a particular way whilst raising part of the vehicle causes the jewellery item to bite into the flesh of your finger before finally snapping (if you've been traditional and gone for gold, and not modern steel, which won't break before the finger's come off too), necessitating a morning spent in A&E being stitched up.

All credit to the NHS; the accident happened at about 9.30am; he was driven 10 miles to the Small Injuries Unit at Stratford hospital, where it was examined and dressed, but because they weren't sure if there was any tendon damage they sent him to the larger A&E unit at Warwick Hospital where it was examined more fully, declared sound, stitched and redressed and he was sent on his way after being issued with a course of antibiotics. He was back at work by 12.30 and all for the sum of £7.20 for the medication. Excellent service.

Broken ring


Repaired finger



If I could get hold of some gold tattoo ink and rub it onto the wound he'd be permanently branded. What a silly chap; he doesn't get away that easily.