Time after time

Did I ever tell you about my run-in with the TV aerial man? We summoned him when our video went all wobbly due to rainwater coming down the aerial cable and soaking the electrics. The video seems to be beyond help, and we decided a new cable, with proper sheathing, might be a wise move. So I phoned around various companies in the Yellow Pages, and settled on the one who seemed willing to discuss the problem. He was also local, and I like to support local businesses when I can. Anyway, chappie duly arrived, put his ladders up to the chimney, and set about replacing the cable. This seemed to take a long time, but he neatly secured it to the wall, and descended to ground level to fix it in the sitting room. This was where the trouble started.

He insisted that he could get the video working again, despite my protestations, but I humoured him and let him tinker with it. After half an hour I was informed the video didn’t work, and I agreed. So he set to work tuning in the TV. The conversation went something like this:

“I see you can only get 4 channels here, madam.”
“Yes I know, we can’t get Channel 5.”
“Oh Channel 5 is fine, it’s one of the others you can’t get.”
“No honestly, Channel 5 is all snowy. The others are fine.”
“No, it’s …let’s twiddle this knob … BBC1 you can’t get here.”
“Yes we can. We can get BBC1, BBC2, ITV and Channel4.”
“No, you definitely can’t get BBC1.”
“But I was watching it last night!”
“Are you sure, madam? Sometimes people get mistaken ...”

Well, once I had managed to control my rage I got him to keep twiddling his knobs, and lo! There was BBC1 in all its glory! Then apparently the wobbly picture on Channel 4 was the best possible in this area – “My machine doesn’t lie, madam.” In a chilling tone I asked if he was accusing me of being a liar, at which point he back-pedalled extremely hastily. I suggested that maybe the aerial needed tweaking, but he assured me he had put it back in exactly the same position on the pole as it had been before. However, I insisted he check, so he heaved a sigh, got the ladders off his van and put them back up to the chimney. This time he dislodged a tile from by the gutter, and then managed to damage the lath when I suggested he replace it. He fiddled with the aerial, and ... my goodness! Channel 4 was completely clear! I was right all along – what a surprise! It took him about 5 hours to do all this ... I don’t think I’ll be recommending him.

Tomorrow we have a man coming to service the boiler. He’s a local chap, because I like to support local businesses when I can ...

Ooh. I’m getting a funny feeling of déjà vu.