I'm sorry, so sorry

For being late. I'm usually very punctual - I've been known to be up to an hour early sometimes, and not only when the clocks have just changed - and today's slip was a genuine error. I thought my appointment was at 10.40 so I was there, ready, at 10.30 (early, you see?) only to be told my appointment was really at 10.20. So I apologised profusely and asked if I should reschedule for another day. "First I'll see if the nurse can fit you in, though she's very busy today." So I waited patiently (see what I did there?) and read the only slightly out of date magazines until my name was called. Again I apologised for my mistake and thanked her being able to see me after all.

Which is why I think it was a bit unkind of her not to warm the speculum first, or to allow it to spring open unexpectedly on removal. To be fair, she apologised in her turn and I think the latter was a genuine accident, but it didn't half make my eyes water.

Baby it's cold outside

What's happening? First of all I went outside to put the wheelie bin out, glanced at the numberplate of a passing car (like you do - is it 987?) and the plate was obscured by snow! A few minutes later I wnet to get some logs and found it's snowing, quite heavily. Come on, it's still only October - and they go on about global warming? At this rate I'm going to have to put the heating on.

It's the way that you say it

A 4-pack of yoghurts costs £1.65. An 8-pack of the same yoghurts costs £2.88. A "Special Offer" ticket announces that two 4-packs is a bargain at £3.00.

I bought the 8-pack.

And the nurse shall hold a basin

We were told a few weeks ago that the practice is due for its official inspection in the next couple of months, so every spare moment has been spent cleaning even in the most inaccessible and unlikely places, and not just with the usual cleaning products but extra special ones. Even the inside of the safe is sparkling - the waiting room chairs have been sterilised before being polished, and even the clients were commenting that we seemed to have gone overboard with the bleach. And the most annoying bit about it is that nothing looks any different. But at least we were as sure as we can be that everything would be up to scratch. Then today a client brought in his dog who'd had a minor disagreement with a fence and had cut his ear. Now, ears have a very good blood supply and this, being no exception, was bleeding profusely. The owner was doing a very good job at mopping up and then .... the dog shook his head.

Several times.

It took the vet and I three-quarters of an hour after surgery closed to remove what we hope was the last of the blood from the premises; it had even sprayed inside the drawers. Only the strip light needs cleaning - it was too hot to do tonight, and we didn't want to risk it exploding.

The answer is blowin' in the wind

Days can always be divided into Good and Bad. Today was no exception.

Good (in no particular order):
1. The weather was lovely.
2. We had a good lunch with good friends.
3. They had an interesting amount of mobile furry cushions.
4. We didn't take a dog so I didn't have to empty my bank balance to pay for the damage.
5. We were the first to receive a certain invitation, and it didn't explode when we opened it. (Accepted.)
6. I learned that there are cats that fold without trying to disembowel your arm.
7. When we got home Beattie was so happy she attempted a scamper and prance. We'd thought her fried brain had given up on emotion and were delighted to be proved wrong.
8. The fire lit first go.
9. My experimental supper was a resounding success.
10. When I had my bath there was still plenty of hot water.

Bad:
1. I had cats for many years, but I never knew they farted.

Things ain't cooking in my kitchen

Does anyone know if there's a difference between risotto rice and pudding rice, or can I put them both in the same storage jar and have a useful space in my cupboard?

Living by numbers

Today I spotted, in order, 979, 981, 982, 983 and 984.

Guess which car number I was actually hoping to see?

The first cut is the deepest

Complacency is a Bad Thing. The Credit Crunch is starting to bite and I'm now down to just one job, which is a bit of a bugger. Not much point in remaining self-employed if my self-employment has gone. Poo.