Clap your hands in the air

Our bedroom telephone extension is now functioning again! Conversation with certain individuals who came up with innovative suggestions has resulted in my no longer having to thunder downstairs starkers in the middle of the night to answer the phone before the dogs start howling like a pack of timber wolves summoning the leader to their midst. By using pure logic (and a touch guesswork combined with hope and bluff) my chum decided which coloured wire should be attached to which terminal, thus removing the necessity for me to try all possible combinations in turn (no I haven’t worked out the number of options, and I have no intention of doing so).

It pains me deeply to say this, and it goes against almost everything I’ve held true in the past, but sometimes a person has to bite their lips, grit their teeth (quite challenging to do simultaneously and at the same time) and come out with an unpalatable, and almost entirely unbelievable statement. So I beg you all, take a large swig of something restorative, brace yourselves and take it on the chin: Simon is great.

*has large mouthful of raw spirit to rinse mouth*