I hear it calling but I’m too scared to move

My first morning in the new job – and I don’t know how I’m going to get on. To say I was nervous would be understating the situation – I’ve been anxious and not sleeping well since I heard I got it. So many things to remember, and all at the same time – computer codes for everything, making appointments, sales, clients; how to use the credit-card machine; the ways the different vets like things done (today’s vet seems quite nice – the Big Boss is, I think, a different kettle of fish – he disapproves of women wearing trousers, for starters. Well he’ll just have to wait till I can afford to buy a skirt and shoes – but it adds to the stress); ordering replacement stock; dealing with the security alarm … it just goes on and on. And all the time the phone rings and people come in and want things … I’m exhausted, and terrified of getting something wrong. I don’t know if it’s going to be right for me or not.

I’m glad I’m not a vet though. Today saw a woman make an emergency appointment for her boxer which had run into brambles and had a sore mark on its eyeball – turns out there’s a thorn embedded and it needs surgery to remove. The woman said that she brought the dog in because “you can’t be too careful with eyes”. “You’re right – it happened this morning, did it?” asked the vet. “No, last Thursday”. We all picked our jaws up off the floor – the vet was very diplomatic. Then there was the couple who didn’t know whether or not their dog was too fat (yes it was) and the man who thought he might have to have his new rescue dog put down because she barks at people who go past his van (yes, she’s guarding it. That’s what dogs do). And all the time I must stay schtum.

I was so pleased when it was time to come home. My brain feels as though it’s trickled out of my ears, and now I feel sick with fear at the thought of being there tomorrow afternoon. I hope it gets better soon – at the moment I don’t feel very happy about it; surely it can’t be that hard? I hadn’t realised what a battering my confidence has taken over the past few months; and of course I loved my last job so much I’d forgotten what people usually feel like about working. Of course I can stick it – Ned’s been doing a job he hates for years – I can’t possibly bottle out after a few hours.

*Repeats mantra: I am a minion. Keep it buttoned*