Yesterday evening Beattie started breathing really fast in her sleep; I thought she was having a dream but when she woke she was still panting hard. She tried to get off the sofa but her back left leg wouldn't support her at all, and she was getting very bewildered by it. We took it in turns to support her back end as she went round and round and round in clockwise circles - after 15 or 20 minutes of this we managed to settle her on her bed and left her to sleep, exhausted, wondering what would happen overnight.
This morning she was back on her feet again; even more doddery than usual and somehow not quite herself. She enjoyed her breakfast as usual, and came for her normal extraordinarily slow walk up the road - business almost as usual but in slo-mo. Every step needed a stop to sniff at where she was; we managed a couple of hundred yards in 20 minutes, and she only fell over once. She ate her lunchtime biscuit then needed help to get on the sofa for her afternoon nap - the back leg was playing up a bit again. But it was odd - the expression in her eyes was somehow different; there was almost an element of fear which there hasn't been before. We'd been told in the past "Better a week too early than a day too late" when it comes to deciding when a beloved pet should be helped to leave this mortal coil. Don't allow them to suffer. But it's so hard - you want to keep them for as long as you can, but you don't want to fall into the trap of keeping them alive for your sake, not theirs. 15 years is a long time, and you never want it to end.
I held myself together remarkably well at work, and at close of play Sarah came back and I cuddled my Beattie on my lap while she was given the final sleep, the way I wasn't able to cuddle Harry. She gave a few heavy breaths and slipped away from us. I'll never know whether I timed it right - whether it was too soon and she was still getting enough pleasure from life to make all the frustrations of her old age acceptable to her, but that's something I have to live with. There's no going back now.
For the first time in nearly 25 years we have only one dog. Sleep well, my sweet Beetle.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
One is one and all alone
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10 comments:
The time is never right. All we can do is take comfort in the fact that we did our best for the ones we love.
You are a kind, sweet soul and they were both so lucky to be with you.
Take care.
So sorry Jan. They do leave a ruddy big hole where there shouldn't be one.
Beets was a smashing pooch, I'll remember her presence at Cropredy with much fondness.
Been there several times - it's so hard, isn't it? I'm so sorry, I'm sure you've done the right thing for her.
x
Jan and Ned, I am so very, very sorry. My thoughts are with you tonight. xx
I am sure she wore a hat at Cropredy. Hicks the Cat, who negotiated his way across the dual carriageway to be found at Aylesbury railway station, also was put out of this mortal coil today. Hicks and Beattie in Doggie and Cat resting places
So sorry, Jan. It's never easy. Sorry I never got to meet the lass, but she's in a better place now.
Jan - she was such a beautiful dog - that's a lovely photo. lots of hugs for you xxx
I'm so sad to read this Jan. It is awful when a much loved pet dies as they are members of the family.
Great big hugs fot you both.
Such sad news, I'm very sorry. I'm sure you have a great many happy memories to recall. Remember the good times!
Jane
*gives many hugs from marshy and co. Remember her when she was young and full of beans, I'm sure thats how she'd like it.
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