Stuck in the groove

There’s something definitely not right. I’ve long been aware that I’m not at my best first thing in the morning, which is why I make a point of laying out tomorrow’s clothes before I go to bed, to minimise the risk of disaster. This system has served me well for many years with only the occasional mishap, which is usually due to there not being enough of a time-lag between going to bed and getting up again.

So why, all of a sudden, are my pants playing up? It doesn’t matter what style they are, skimpies or Bridget Jones’; and I’ve become very careful at checking them first, sometimes even going so far as to open my eyes or turn a light on, but by the time I’ve got downstairs I’m convinced I’ve put them on back to front. Where I hope for comfort I get a cheesewire effect, so I check and no, that’s not the problem. Perhaps it’s not my pants at fault after all - maybe something awful’s happened to my ostrich?