Don't put your daughter on the stage

For the past several years Ned’s brother and his family have visited us from Sussex each December and we’ve all gone to the panto in either Coventry or Birmingham together. It was best when the children came too, because there’s not much that’s more fun than embarrassing one’s offspring, but eventually they refused to accompany us so it became an adults-only group. Some of the productions have been fantastic (oh yes they were!) and extremely high quality. Brian Conley is always professional, Julian Clary is very funny, and Joe Pasquale, fresh out of the jungle when we saw him, was an excellent Jack.

This season, to make a change, we went down to Sussex to go with them and their pals to the performance of Jack and the Beanstalk at their local theatre. We knew not to expect such a polished performance as at the Birmingham Hippodrome, for example, but it was an entertaining evening out. A brief review: Mark Curry was very good; I thought the Dame was good but Ned’s not convinced; ‘Jill’ looked as though she didn’t want to be there (nor have to wear flat shoes to stop her being taller than 'Jack'); and Sonia? The 'star'? She seemed to have based her character on Jimmy Krankie but with extra smirk, and played Jack teetering on high heels. I think one ofthe tests of the calibre of an actor in live theatre is how they handle the inevitable fluffs. Saying "It's your line now, isn't it?" to your fellow cast-member just doesn't do it. Sonia couldn't act her way out of a paper bag.