Allo, allo

It was clear something unusual had happened when Ned arrived home from work this morning with a copy of The S*n clutched in his hot little hand. We have no un-housetrained puppies, so why would we need a copy of that publication in the house? All was revealed on Page 17 …

There are two traffic wardens in Banbury. One is a large elderly woman who doesn’t seem to understand the principle behind her mission (which as far as I’m concerned is to fine out of existence the PITA taxidrivers who block a very narrow sidestreet so nobody can use the crossing in safety), and a lad who looks about 14 and bears a striking resemblance to Herr Flick of the Gestapo, to the extent where he is even developing the comedy limp.

It seems that he has excelled himself recently by booking a double-decker bus that has been converted to a hearse (“Room for one more inside”). It is painted black, it was parked outside the funeral parlour and was being loaded at the time but he didn’t appear to notice that, or the 40 or so mourners shouting at him.

I’ve just noticed the wording ‘Guess what’s in it to win it’ has been painted across the front of the ‘hearse’. (If I can work out how to do a link, here is the
evidence.) Tasteless, or what!

I apologise for sullying your hard-drives with tabloid excerpts.